A money-saving plan

I have, not a plan, but a money-saving proposal. I know it'll be welcomed, especially in these days of austerity in every area (especially for the average citizen living in the south).  My plan has two parents: one is imbedded deep in the presidency of Mary McAleese . The other is known as Red C.

You know the way elections are really costly businesses? Fianna Fail figured they'd crack that by investing in  digital voting machines and so get rid of all that manpower and waiting around in the future. It didn't work. The Irish people of the south, being of a suspicious nature (I can't think why), told Bertie and his flash machines to get lost. So the old method of writing  Xs amd 1, 2, 3s with the stub of a pencil or teensy biro continues.

But not in every case. In some cases, even the pencil and biro are laid aside. Remember Mary McAleese's second term election in 2004? Then you've a better imagination than a memory, because it didn't happen. Since everyone agreed there was no point, she was given a past-the-post second term without benefit of election, because everyone agreed there was no point.

Which brings us to my proposed saving. Let's cancel the presidential election. Right now. Pack up the posters, shred and recycle the speeches, erase the TV 'debates' - in short, let's call the whole thing off.

Why? Because we know the result already. The Red C poll has spoken, showing Gallagher is the runaway winner, M D Higgins a bit behind but not that much, and the rest nowhere.  We're told that while everyone takes it as read that Martin McGuinness is a liar (what need have we of proof?), so too everyone takes it as gospel that the Red C Poll  speaks truth.  In that case,  why bother with the election? Just send the man with no neck and the second of his wives to the Park and be done with it. And let the Sunday Business Post  have the banner headlines: 'It Was Our RCP wot won it'.  A win-win situation. Except, of course, for the six losers. And maybe the first Mrs G.