Thursday, 20 October 2011
Gaddafi: bet he's sorry now!
Well, good news tonight or what! Isn't it wonderful? Mind you I'm against killing people as a general rule but some people you just have to, well, kill them. There's no other word for it. For the sake of the world. If Muammar Gaddafi had had his way it would have been Libya today, Russia tomorrow, God knows where next Saturday - there's no knowing where a madman will stop. So he had to be stopped before he invaded London or invented weapons of mass destruction. That's why I bet David Cameron is really pleased he's dead. I'm not saying Mr Cameron is a man of violence. Check the British PM's record whatever way you like and you'll find that the worst he's done is get pissed at the Bollinger Club and break a few bottles of champagne over Boris's head. Other than that, nothing. But he wasn't going to go condemning the men of violence who killed Muammar Gaddafi. Ho no. Because they did it, in a funny kind of way, for Gaddafi's own good. For Libya. Otherwise he would have gone on torturing and killing people - he was addicted to it, you know. In fact, if he couldn't get people to torture and kill, well, he'd rather be dead. Seriously. That's why he didn't go to another African country when he could have. Because there wouldn't have been any Libyans there to kill. Or torture. Or both. So he stayed where he was. And got killed.
The best part about it, of course, is that we helped kill him! Isn't that a nice warm thought? I mean if we hadn't got together with France and all the other decent countries, and got those peace-loving people in NATO to climb into their planes and drop bombs on Tripoli and Sirte and anywhere else that they thought Gaddafi and his friends might be, well, who's to say that the rebels - yes, yes, I know, they waste an awful lot of ammunition, firing in the air like that - who's to say they would have won on their own? They might have. Some of them looked really tough, the way they were shouting and stuff. But maybe they mightn't have. So just in case, NATO and the rest of us just dropped a few thousand tons of explosives on anywhere we thought Gaddafi or his mates might be, and that made all the difference. It certainly made a difference to the people on the receiving end!
I said back there that the best part was that we helped kill him. I've a confession to make. It isn't really the best part. The really best part, the bestest best part, and I promise you, read my lips, it just happens to be that way, we went into Libya, or rather NATO planes bombed the shit out of Libya, with no thought of oil on our minds. Hand on heart. We just felt it was time the people of Libya were liberated. Yes I know, education and health and everything else went up seven-fold since Gaddafi seized power. But as they said on the BBC this evening, it was the OIL that did that. NOT Gaddafi. He didn't do a thing - he just sort of sat there in his tent, drawing up more plans for sending flotillas of ships loaded with semtex to the IRA. In between drawing up plans to torture and kill his own people because, well, because that's the kind of man he was. Yes, Libya has a really good health record. And it has a really good education record. And they have so much work available, they were able to give employment to thousands of African workers from outside Libya. But don't you see - it was the OIL that did that - not Gaddafi. Just as it was for JUSTICE and DEMOCRACY and PEACE that we went in and helped the gallant rebels with our war-planes and bombs and SAS-type people on the ground.
The only bad part to the whole episode is that we didn't have cameras to show Gaddafi caught in that hole place. That would have been really good. Then we could have taken him out and shone a light inside his mouth in front of the cameras, like with that other guy, and then later hanged him in front of the TV cameras. That's the bit I feel sad about. But you can't have everything. All in all, it's a wonderful achievement by the peace-loving world. I mean it really, really is. All together now - We! Killed! Gaddafi! We! Killed! Gaddafi! Makes a guy feel proud, don't it?