Tell you what – stuff your Kennedys, right, just stuff them and their Irish-American elections-buying and Marilyn Monroe and visiting his great-grandfather’s shack in Tipperary or wherever, right up your jacksey stuff it, what this is is a 110% no-bloody-Irish wee Ulsterman, taking them all on and whacking their arses in front of the Sky cameras, yeeeeee-HOOOOOO!!!! And where did he learn how to play, with a guy I know from Stoneyford, McIlroy was useless till ten years ago, he comes to your man and he says “Here, you’re a golfing man, I’d like to be one too only I can’t get the swing thing right", and my mate cos he's got a soft heart like taught him, taught him bloody good too, taught that skinny bugger married to your woman, you know, the president of Eire, taught him as well.
And see when they showed the, what’s this they call it, the leader board or something, the league table on Sky with where everyone was coming into the last lap yesterday, who’s at the top, our wee Ulsterman Rory, and beside every one of their names there’s a flag, and guess what our wee man has beside his name, the Ulster flag, ULSTER, ULSTER, ULSTER! Red hand in the middle and all, none of your tricolours in the background like I seen last year with your man McDowell, not saying your man McDowell wanted them waving rebel flags, know for a fact he didn’t, but it happened, you know, cos I seen them on the telly, bastards, lepping about, none of that this time, matter of fact, I was listening to the wee man yesterday after, you know after he won, and he was saying – and isn’t he right, eh? – CHAMPIONES, CHAMPIONES, OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ! No, he wasn’t saying that, I was saying that – CHAMPIONES!- they were asking him, like, how come so many good golfers comes out of Northern Ireland, and I was hoping he’d say “Cos there's a genius guy in Stoneyford taught them, same as he done me” but he didn’t, but he done the next best thing, he said “It’s amazing, one wee nation winning the US Open back-to-back, I’m so proud!” Hear that, NATION, none of your regions or states or any of that shite - NATION, the nation of Ulster, olé, olé, OLÉ! ...And forget it, you smart-arse, it ****ing does not mean we’re not still a part of the UK, don’t you try getting smart with me, all I’m saying is, wouldn’t it make you proud to see an Ulsterman come out and say it, eh? “A WEE NATION!” So suck on that, youse Kennedy crawlers, of course that big-nebbed weirdo-looking guy, the Prime Minister of Eire, Enda Mac Cioannaidh or whatever he’s called, tried to get in on the act too, saying our wee Rory winning was “emphatic and inspiring”, you're right it was, big-neb, so it was, eight strokes, only it's none of your business, you ****ing southern culchie, this is our wee man, not yours, go back to your Irish bogs, wee Rory is ours, y’hear, ours, ours, OURS.
What did you say?...Don’t be stupid, DON’T BE ****ING STUPID, how could he be, doesn’t make sense, propaganda, republican propaganda, that's all, forget it, sunshine. There's no fenian EVER BORN could play golf the way that wee Ulsterman plays it. Ask my mate in Stoneyford. He knows.